Working Step 4
Please turn in your Big Book to page 64. The authors start by comparing a personal inventory to a business inventory. In the first full paragraph of page 64, they write:
"Therefore, we started upon
a personal inventory. This was Step Four. A business which takes no regular
inventory usually goes broke. Taking a commercial inventory is a fact-finding
and a fact-facing process. It is an effort to discover the truth about the
stock-in-trade. One object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods, to get
rid of them promptly and without regret. If the owner of the business is to be
successful, he CANNOT fool himself about values."
So, we are going to conduct the equivalent of a commercial inventory on our lives. We are going to discover what had blocked us off from the Sunlight of the Spirit.
In the next paragraph, the authors tell us exactly what we have to do to conduct a Fourth Step inventory:
"We did exactly the same
thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws
in our make-up which caused our failure. Being convinced that self (not alcohol
but self), manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered
its common manifestations."
If you remember, this is a reference back to what was discussed in Step Three that self-will (or "my life run on my will") is the root of our troubles. We are now going to inventory or, "take stock" if you will, of three manifestations of self-will: our resentments, our fears, and our sex conduct and harms toward others.
The Fourth Step commentary in the 12 & 12 goes into much greater detail about this, but we humans have three basic instincts of life which create self: the social instinct, the security instinct, and the sex instinct. These are needed in order for the human race to survive. All humans have them and they are God-given so they are good, but when we use them selfishly or incorrectly, they cause problems for others and ourselves. When the social instinct is used incorrectly, it brings about resentments. When the security instinct is used incorrectly, it brings about fears. And when the sex instinct is used incorrectly, it brings about harms to others. Left to our own resources, we will invariably overdo in these areas. In our selfish attempt to fulfill these desires, we are in constant conflict with others.
That is why, coincidentally, the Big Book's Fourth Step process focuses directly on resentments, fears, and harms; so it gets down to our misdirected instincts and the root of our problems. Nearly every serious emotional problem can be seen as a case of misdirected instinct. All self-centered people have difficulties in these three areas whether they are alcoholics or not. This link includes helpful tips on doing a 4th Step: 4th Step Tips
We have provided inventory sheets for you to do this, and we will read the "clear-cut", simple directions that the "Big Book" authors have documented for us. Let us reassure you, the Fourth Step is not difficult nor should it be a tedious process. Within seven pages of text, the "Big Book" authors give us precise instructions on how to make a good beginning on facing and getting rid of the obstacles in our path to the Power greater than ourselves.
This link will provide all the forms for you to print out to do a 4th Step
THE
RESENTMENT INVENTORY
Since Bill Wilson liked using different words that mean the same thing, the book uses a few different expressions when describing who and what to write down. People, institutions or principles with whom we have resentment, with whom we were angry, with whom we were hurt or threatened or interfered with, with whom we felt had wronged us, with whom we stayed sore at, with whom we felt "burned up" toward, and with whom we held a grudge. Also included in this list should be people, institutions or principles with whom we were annoyed with, agitated by, or let down by; and also include your regrets because regret is resentment toward yourself. Needless to say, this is usually a long list.
The word resentment comes from the Latin word "sentire" which means "to feel", and when you put "re" in front of any word, it means "again", so the word resent means "to feel again". After we experience what we perceive as being wronged by someone, the first response usually is anger or frustration. But then after a while, after we have reviewed in our mind what happened, and have felt the anger or anxiety again and again, we move to the next stage, which is resentment. Over a short period of time, as I playback the suspected harm in my head, I become less and less involved in what happened and the other person becomes more and more to blame. Sometimes we are able to let the incident go without moving past anger, but if you are a self-centered alcoholic, that is usually a difficult thing to do since we tend to keep score of these things so we can at some point get back at them. I'm sure no one here can relate.
In the third paragraph on page 64, the authors write:
"Resentment is the
"number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than ANYTHING
else. From it stem ALL forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only
mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual
malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically."
Please turn to the sheet entitled "Resentment Inventory" in the packet provided for you. You can clearly see that the first three columns of this sheet resemble the example found on page 65, with the exception of an added fourth column. Don't worry! The directions for the fourth column are found on page 67 and we'll be getting to that in a few minutes.
There is a prayer that I like to use when doing a Fourth Step that I would like to pass along. I suggest that this prayer be said each time you begin writing, and that you write it at the top of each blank inventory page as you come to them. This brings our Higher Power into the process. It's not out of the Big Book, but goes like this: "God, please help me with this, show me what I need to know. Please protect me, Your will not mine be done."
Let's first look at the simple step-by-step, column-by-column procedure the "Big Book" authors give us for writing the resentment inventory. Six lines from the bottom of page 64, the authors tell us:
"In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper."
So in the first column, "I'm resentful at", it says to put the following:
"We listed people, institutions or principles with whom we were angry."
We continue writing the names in the first column until we are finished. How do you know when you are finished? Well, when you think you are finished and no more names come to mind, stop. Ask God for Guidance. If more names come, write them down. If not, you are finished with the first column unless you think of something later. Please note that there is a "Resentment Inventory Prompt Sheet" just before the Resentment Inventory in the above attachment that will give you some other ideas as well.
Second column, second instruction - 3 lines up from the bottom of page 64:
"We asked ourselves why we were angry."
In our example on page 65 and on our sheets, the second column is entitled, "The cause".
Why am I resentful, "burned up" or sore at whatever is written in each of the boxes in the first column? What did they do to make me angry? List all the resentments you have for each name. Keep in mind that you may have more than one resentment toward any one person, place or thing. Continue writing all the reasons in the second column, top to bottom, before going on to the third column.
In the third column, third instruction - page 64, last three lines and page 65, first two lines:
"In most cases it was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships, (including sex) were hurt or threatened."
In the first paragraph on page 65, the "Big Book" authors repeat themselves and add a few more ways self can be affected:
"On our grudge list we set
opposite each name our injuries. Was it our self-esteem, our security, our
ambitions, our personal, or sex relations, which had been interfered
with?"
Remember: our self-esteem is how we view ourselves. Our pocketbook is money or material possessions. Our ambitions are our plans for the future or what we want. And our security is our general sense of personal well being, and has two possible viewpoints - financial security or emotional security. (See "Definitions of Words Used in Step 4." These definitions should be handy as you are writing this.)
Then, at the bottom right of the example given on page 65, the "Big Book" includes the word "pride". Pride can be defined as an exaggerated opinion of ourselves. That makes up the seven ways that self can be affected in column three.
Please spend some time with someone who is familiar with doing a 4th Step Inventory out of the Big Book to help guide you as you go along. For now, ONLY do the first three columns of your Resentment Inventory. Column 3 requires checks only, where applicable. Stay with each of the sections in the third column, going top to bottom before going on to the next one, until all seven are done. Columns 1, 2 and 4 do not require long explanations - they should be brief, bullet statements to jog your memory about the facts for when you do your 5th Step, at which time you can go into greater detail.
When the first three columns are complete, the "Big Book" takes a very important, two-page break from the Resentment Inventory so we can soften our heart toward these people, institutions and principles. The authors tell us to pray for OURSELVES (that we may have a better attitude toward them), and to pray for THEM as well. Why? Because we need to rid ourselves of these resentments. Well, why on earth would we want to be free of resentments? Shouldn't we justifiably be angry with these people? Don't we have a right to be "burned up"?
Well, let's see what the Big Book has to say about resentment: Page 64 says - "Resentment is the "NUMBER ONE" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than ANYTHING else, from it stem ALL forms of spiritual disease.
Page 66 - It leads ONLY to futility and unhappiness; to the precise extent that we permit resentment do we squander the hours that might have been worth while; this business of resentment is INFINITELY grave; it is FATAL; when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit; the insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again; these things are poison; because of it the world and its people really dominated us; the wrong-doing of others FANCIED OR REAL had power to actually kill.
Page 70 - we begin to comprehend the futility and fatality of our resentments; we commence to see its terrible destructiveness.
Page 117 - never forget that it is a deadly hazard to an alcoholic.
Page 145 - the GREATEST enemies of us alcoholics include resentment.
Page 325 - I can't afford resentments against ANYONE because they are the build-up of another drunk.
Page 552 - I realized I had to get rid of my last resentment for my reprieve was running out and if I didn't get rid of it I was going to get drunk."
Most of us usually think resentments are kinda fun and acceptable. We have a problem with most people so resentment becomes a way of life for us. Now it was saying that even if I felt that a resentment was JUSTIFIED (which I ALWAYS did), it was the BIGGEST CAUSE for leading an alcoholic back to a drink, and I desperately do NOT want to move in that direction.
Well, that's very simple, isn't it? The book says very clearly, if we continue to hold on to resentments we WILL drink again.
How do we get free of ongoing anger and frustration, as the book suggests we do? The top of page 67 deals with prayer.
Before we go there, the "Big Book" authors ask us to turn back to our list because it holds the key to our future. They tell us to look at it from an ENTIRELY different angle (which will become column four in our inventory).
On the bottom of page 66 in paragraph 4, the book states:
"This was our course: We
realized that the people who wronged us (column 1) were perhaps spiritually
sick (also called spiritually unconscious or spiritually blocked off). Though
we did not like their symptoms (column 2) and the way these disturbed us
(column 3), they, LIKE OURSELVES, were sick too."
The next few lines are prayers for getting rid of our resentments.
"We asked God to help us
show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant
a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, 'This is a sick
man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be
done.'"
Please turn to page 552. The Big Book gives us another powerful example of how to use prayer to soften our heart toward the people we resent. In the middle of page 552, this is what it says:
"He said, in effect: 'If
you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person
or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for
everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for
their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even
when you don't really want it for them, and your prayers are only words and you
don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks (or
more) and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and
you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and
hatred, you now feel compassionate understanding and love.'"
So the Big Book tells us that the way to get over a resentment is by seeing that the person we resent was spiritually blocked off, just like WE are when WE harm others; and to pray that we show them tolerance, pity, and patience, so that we can get a better attitude toward them. It also suggests that we pray for the person we resent that they get the good things in life that we want for ourselves. This softens our heart toward them and allows us to look at the situation around the resentment more realistically.
Let's turn back to page 67 and look at the fourth column on our resentment inventory sheets. In the second paragraph on page 67, the directions read:
"Referring to our list
again. Putting OUT of our minds the wrongs OTHERS had done, we resolutely
looked for OUR OWN mistakes. Where had WE been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking
and frightened? Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to
disregard the other person involved ENTIRELY. Where were WE to blame? The
inventory was OURS, not the other man's. When we saw OUR faults we listed them.
We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted OUR wrongs honestly
and were willing to set these matters straight."
What's the EXACT NATURE of OUR wrongs that the Fifth Step talks about? You may want to take a second to study the paragraph just mentioned. It's important that we see OUR part in the resentment. Let's see how WE got the proverbial ball rolling in the first place.
There are two important points that I want to mention about the fourth column of the Resentment Inventory that I think are very transformative. First of all, almost every resentment can be boiled down to a simple statement: "They're not acting the way I think they should" or "Life's not treating me the way I think it should." This is very self-centered and a form of trying to play God. Secondly, something that I think is very interesting is that usually what we resent in OTHERS are the things we struggle with OURSELVES. In other words (using gossip as an example), people who are bothered most by being gossiped about, usually participate in gossip themselves. We are merely seeing in others something we don't like about ourselves. The other person's behavior is being a mirror for us, so we can see OUR OWN defects. The realization of these two perspectives about resentment has brought about much freedom in my life.
Now it's time to finish the Resentment Inventory by writing out all of the fourth column. Remember: let's look at the resentment from an ENTIRELY different angle. What did WE do? What's OUR part - disregarding the other person ENTIRELY. Please finish this before going on to the next inventory.
By completing a searching, fearless, honest, and thorough Resentment Inventory we are examining the four dimensions of our existence: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. (BUT only the fourth dimension, the "spiritual", is rooted in Truth.) Column 1 of this inventory deals with the physical - Who or what we're mad at. Column 2 deals with the mental - What we THINK they did to us. Column 3 deals with the emotional - What we FELT when they supposedly wronged us. And finally, Column 4 rockets us into the spiritual dimension, revealing the "exact nature of our wrongs" - the truth about what really happened. It usually reveals to me how my faulty thinking caused me to take actions which got the "ball rolling" in the first place. With 99% percent of the resentments I've heard about (both in myself and in those I've work with) the first 3 columns can be transformed when the truth of the fourth column is revealed. Truth is always present at the core of our Being even when we are unconscious to it or when it's blocked off by a lie.
THE
FEAR INVENTORY
"Notice that the word
"fear" is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs.
Jones, the employer, and the wife. This short word somehow touches about every
aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our
existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances
which brought us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve." (In the Fear
Inventory, this next line is part of column 3. The book continues) "But
did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to
be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble."
So fear is a thief! It robs us of our relationship with God and others, and prevents us from reaching our full potential. Fears can usually be classified into three categories - afraid of losing what I have, afraid of not getting what I want, and afraid of being found out. Fear in and of itself is NOT necessarily a bad thing. When right-sized and not controlling, fear brings about caution and prevents us from being hurt. In other words, if I am by the ledge on the roof of a tall building and I experience some fear, it is a good thing because it is letting me know that I am in a dangerous position. The fear around this situation will bring about caution and will prevent me from being hurt. However, if going near a sealed window on the twenty-ninth floor of an office building freezes me in panic and fear, this is NOT right-sized and IS controlling, and I need to analyze and seek truth about this fear so I can move toward being free of it.
A really great acronym for the word fear is "false evidence appearing real". Another acronym, perhaps on the humorous side, is "frantic efforts to appear recovered". Just like with the Resentment Inventory, we have provided a Fear Inventory Prompt Sheet to help you with identifying your fears.
The book continues with the first paragraph on page 68:
"We reviewed our fears
thoroughly (column 1). We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment
in connection with them. (It says this because we have ALREADY identified
the fears associated with resentment when we did the fourth column in the
Resentment Inventory, so now we are just looking for OTHER fears not associated
with our resentments. Remember to also put the fears found in the Resentment
Inventory onto the Fears Inventory. The book continues:) We asked ourselves
why we had them (column 2). Wasn't it because self-reliance failed us?
(Also column 3.) Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn't go
far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn't fully
solve the fear problem, or any other.
When it made us cocky, it was worse.
"Perhaps there is a better way (column
4) - we think so. For we are now on a different basis of trusting and
relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are
in the world to play the role HE assigns.(That's a reference back to the
decision we made in the Third Step.) Just to the extent that we do as we
think HE would have us, AND humbly rely on Him, [then] does He enable us to
match calamity with serenity.
We never apologize to anyone for depending upon
our Creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness.
Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith
means courage. ALL men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never
apologize for God. Instead we let HIM demonstrate, through us, what He can do.
(Now here's a prayer) We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention
to what He would have us BE. AT ONCE, we commence to outgrow fear."
Please begin writing all four columns of the Fear Inventory before continuing to the next inventory, finishing each column (top to bottom) before going on to the next column. See the above attachment for the forms. All four columns do not require long explanations - they should be brief bullet statements to jog your memory about the facts for when you do your 5th Step, at which time you can go into greater detail. Continue spending some time with someone who is familiar with doing a 4th Step Inventory out of the Big Book to help guide you as you go along.
How do we get rid of fear? I'll bet you could guess. That's right - through prayer!
Page 68, paragraph three, sixth line:
"We never apologize for
God. Instead we let HIM demonstrate, through us, what He can do. (Again,
here's the prayer) We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to
what He would have us BE. (The results of doing this are in the next
sentence.) At once, we commence to outgrow fear."
Notice the book doesn't say fear goes away and never comes back again. It states that we OUTGROW fear. We outgrow fear because through prayer, we're asking God to direct us toward His Will - to do His Work - to do His bidding. And notice what the last part of the prayer says, "...what HE would have us BE." Not what He would have us DO, but what He would have us BE. We must go deeper than just changing out actions, because like we've said before, who we are and what motivates us will drive our thoughts and actions.
It's that simple! And the miracle is it works! That's all the information for the Fear Inventory so let's go on to the Sex and Harms Inventory.
THE
SEX and HARMS INVENTORY
"Now about sex. Many of
needed an overhauling there (not just a simple tune-up but an OVERHAULING.)
But ABOVE ALL, we tried to be sensible on this question. It's so easy to get
way off the track. Here we find human opinions running to extremes - absurd
extremes, perhaps. One set of voices cry that sex is a lust of our lower
nature, a base necessity of procreation. Then we have the voices who cry for
sex and more sex; who bewail (which means express sorrow over) the
institution of marriage; who think that most of the troubles of the race are
traceable to sex causes. They think we do not have enough of it, or that it
isn't the right kind. They see its significance everywhere. One school would
allow man no flavor for his fare and the other would have us all on a straight
pepper diet. We want to stay out of this controversy. We do not want to be the
arbiter (or judge) of anyone's sex conduct. We all have sex problems. We'd
hardly be human if we didn't. What can we do about them?"
The "Big Book" authors go on to tell us to review our own conduct over the past years. Therefore, we will begin our third and final inventory. Your "sponsor" will help you with this as well as with the completion of the Resentment and Fear Inventories during the next week. The book continues:
"We reviewed OUR OWN
conduct over the years past. Where had WE been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate?(Column
3)Whom had WE hurt? (Column 1)Did WE unjustifiably arouse jealousy,
suspicion or bitterness? (Column 2) Where were WE at fault, (also
Column 3) what should WE have done instead? (Column 4) We got this
all down on paper and looked at it.
So we need to include on this inventory both a harms review around our sex conduct over the years, and also look for ways we harmed others in the past NOT associated with our sex life. Needless to say, this is ALSO sometimes a long list. Please begin writing all four columns of the Sex and Harms Inventory before continuing on, finishing each column (top to bottom) before going on to the next column. Again, see this link for the forms. Column 2 requires checks only, where applicable. Columns 1, 3 and 4 do not require long explanations - they should be brief bullet statements to jog your memory about the facts for when you do your 5th Step, at which time you can go into greater detail. Continue spending some time with someone who is familiar with doing a 4th Step Inventory out of the Big Book to help guide you as you go along.
THE
FUTURE SEX / RELATIONSHIP IDEAL
"In this way we tried to
shape a sane and sound ideal for our future sex life. We subjected each
relation to this test - was it selfish or not? (Now here's a prayer.) We asked
God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. We remembered always
that our sex powers were God-given and therefore good, neither to be used
lightly or selfishly nor to be despised and loathed. Whatever our ideal turns out
to be, we MUST be willing to grow toward it. We MUST be willing to make amends
where we have done harm, provided that we do not bring about still more harm in
so doing. In other words, we treat sex as we would
ANY OTHER PROBLEM (so
the book is going to tell us how to deal with EVERY problem, and here's another
prayer.) In meditation, we ask God what we should do about each specific
matter. The right answer WILL come, IF we want it. (That's another
promise.) God alone can judge our sex situation. Counsel with persons is
often desirable, but we let God be the final judge. We realize that some people
are as fanatical about sex as others are loose. We avoid hysterical thinking or
advice.
"Suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal
and stumble? Does this mean we are going to get drunk? Some people tell us so.
But this is only a half-truth. It depends on us and on our motives. IF we are
sorry for what we have done, and have the HONEST desire to let God take us to
better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson.
(Now here's a warning.) IF we are NOT sorry, and our conduct CONTINUES to
harm others, we are quite SURE to drink. We are not theorizing. These are FACTS
out of our experience.
To sum up about sex:
1- We earnestly pray for the right ideal,
1- We earnestly pray for the right ideal,
2- we pray for guidance in each questionable situation,
3- we pray for sanity (which is seeing the truth), and
4- If sex is very troublesome, we throw ourselves the harder into helping others. We think of THEIR needs and work for them. This takes us out of ourselves. It quiets the hornyness, when to yield would mean heartache."
This ideal usually includes three aspects of a relationship:
1) Ideal attributes and behaviors in OURSELVES that
we would like to bring to a relationship.
2) If you are NOT currently in a relationship, include ideal attributes and behaviors that we would look for in SOMEONE ELSE that we might consider having a relationship with. But if you ARE currently in a relationship, include positive attributes and behaviors that your partner already has that you can appreciate and notice more.
3) Attributes and behaviors that would describe what an ideal relationship would generally look like.
"If we have been thorough about our
personal inventory, we have written down a lot. We have listed and analyzed our
resentments. We have begun to comprehend their futility and their fatality. We
have commenced to see their terrible destructiveness. We have begun to learn
tolerance, patience and good will toward all men, even our enemies, for we look
on them as sick people. (If we have begun to learn tolerance, patience and
good will toward our enemies, and we did this through prayer and forgiveness
during the Resentment Inventory, we certainly ARE beginning to experience that
psychic change that Dr. Silkworth mentioned in the Doctor's Opinion. The book
continues:) We have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct, and are
willing to straighten out the past if we can.
In this book you read again and again that faith
did for us what we could NOT do for ourselves. We hope you are convinced now
that God can remove whatever self-will has blocked you off from Him (Step
2). If you have already made a decision, (Step 3) and an inventory of
your grosser handicaps, (Step 4) you have made a good beginning. That
being so you have swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about
yourself."
So the Fourth Step is NOT about finding out who we ARE, it's about finding out who we are NOT, so we can get rid of it and who we ARE will then shine through. That's another reason why "self-knowledge avails us nothing", we need to find out what GOD wants us to be.
Some people think that the Fourth Step is like cleaning your room by rearranging the same old stuff you've always been stuck with. This is absolutely not true. The Fourth Step is more like cleaning your room by throwing out all the things you do NOT want anymore, so that it can be replaced with the NEW things you DO want. In looking at it THAT way, we should be EXCITED about doing a Fourth Step.
In our Fourth Step inventories we will discover, for the most part, that our troubles were of our OWN making. We will see how we played a part in every resentment and fear we've ever had and how our conduct has harmed others. By taking stock of ourselves and sharing our inventories with another person, we will gather a list of things about ourselves that we view as objectionable. These are the very things that have blocked us from God, which is the ONLY Power that can remove the alcoholic obsession.
The AA Program then goes on to ask that we become willing to have God relieve us of our defects of character in Steps Six and Seven and then asks you to make restitution to those whom you've harmed in Steps Eight and Nine. Also, after you complete your 4th Step Inventories, you will have all the information that you are going to share in your 5th Step, all of the defects/shortcomings you'll be asking God to help you with in Steps 6 and 7, and a list of all the harms you'll be making amends for in Steps 8 and 9; so your 4th Step will provide everything you need for Steps 4 through 9.
Those of you who have never done a Fourth or Fifth Step and were NOT intending to, may have read something here that will motivate you to complete Steps Four and Five in the near future. We want you to know that everything you've read here is ALSO for your benefit.
We are now entering the phase of the program where more and more actions are required. But these actions produce many positive results.
Many of these results are in the form of promises, which as our lives change, become an integral part of our spiritual being.
If our lives didn't get better, why would we want to stay sober? If all we had to look forward to was restlessness, irritability and discontentment, why do the work? A.A. offers so much more - a new way of living (not just a new way of not drinking) which is far more wonderful than ANYTHING we could EVER have imagined. THAT'S why we take the Steps.
Please finish writing all of your Fourth Step, as well as create your future sex/relationship ideal, before going on to Step Five. Writing your 4th Step should not take more than three or four weeks, and an appointment for your 5th Step should be made for about a month after you begin writing your Fourth Step. This will help in motivating you to complete the work. Please try to write some every day and make finishing it a priority. If you have done the first three Steps and have balked and procrastinated for months with writing only some or most of your 4th Step, please be advised that you are in a very vulnerable place. It's like being an open wound, psychologically and spiritually. You have raised old issues that clog your system and cause difficulties if not processed immediately by the healing power of Steps Five through Nine.
It has also been my experience that when these wounds have been raised and left undealt with, we begin to relive and participate in the behavior again because it is now back in our consciousness again. If you have delayed in finishing your 4th Step, ask yourself one simple, yet powerful question of truth about your position: Is it possible that you lack of willingness to move forward in the Steps has ANYTHING to do with whether you go back to drinking again or not? Oooops, there it is! Sorry, but I had to go there!
Some
Thoughts on Step Four
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There is no way to escape the person you resent. He / She is with you when you are awake; invades your privacy when you sleep; is close beside you when you eat, when you drive your car, and when you are on the job. You lose neither efficiency nor happiness. He / She even influences the tone of your voice. He / She even steals your last moment of consciousness before you go to sleep.
So, if you want to be a slave - harbor resentments.
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What we are searching out in our inventory is not only the behavior that we see as unproductive, but also the very nature of that behavior.
Does that behavior stem from fear, or from resentment, ignorance, defiance, or from a need to retaliate because others have treated us unfairly?
Those who have successfully completed Step Four report that the human tendency to generalize, skip or undervalue specifics results in an inventory that is, at best, a mediocre attempt. To truly rid ourselves of unproductive thinking and actions, we need to be detailed enough to detect the patterns that must be changed in order to create a more satisfying life.
*************************
*************************
DEFINITIONS OF WORDS
USED IN STEP FOUR |
|
AMBITION
|
Our goals or
plans for the future, or what we want.
|
ARBITER
|
One chosen to
judge.
|
BITTERNESS
|
Pain, suffering,
ill will or regret.
|
DEFECT
|
Lack of
something necessary for completeness. Same as shortcoming - what blocks me
off from God and others.
|
DISHONEST
|
The act or
practice of telling a lie, cheating, deceiving, stealing. Not dealing with
reality.
|
EXACT
|
Very accurate,
precise, correct.
|
FATAL
|
Causing death.
|
FAULT
|
Something done
wrongly, an error or mistake.
|
FEAR
|
A feeling of
anxiety, agitation, uneasiness or apprehension.
|
FINITE
|
Limited.
|
FRIGHTENED
|
A temporary or
continual state of fear.
|
FUTILITY
|
Uselessness.
|
IDEAL
|
Goal, aim,
conception, standard, mental image.
|
INCONSIDERATE
|
Without thought
or consideration of others.
|
INFINITE
|
Without limits,
boundless.
|
INSTITUTION
|
Significant
practice or relationship in a society or an established organization or
corporation, especially of public character.
|
INVENTORY
|
Written list of
items (used to evaluate personal characteristics).
|
JEALOUSY
|
Feeling of
rivalry, unfaithfulness, or the loss of another's exclusive devotion.
|
MISTAKE
|
A wrong action
or statement (caused by faulty judgment).
|
MOLD
|
To give shape
to, to exert influence on.
|
MORAL
|
Honest,
truthful. Relating to the practice, manners, or conduct of men/women, as
social beings, in relation to each other, and with reference to right and
wrong.
|
NATURE
|
The essential
characteristic of something (root cause, the truth of where the wrong began -
what created the wrong).
|
PARADOXICALLY
|
A statement that
seems contradictory or opposed to common sense, but is true.
|
PERSONAL
RELATIONSHIPS
|
My relations
with other human beings and the world about me.
|
POCKETBOOK
|
Anything of a
material nature (money, property, buildings, jewelry, etc.)
|
PRIDE
|
An excessive and
unjustified opinion of oneself: either positive (self-love) or negative
(self-hate). An alcoholic's pride is usually based on how we think others
view us.
|
PRINCIPLE
|
Rule or code of
conduct, fundamental law or assumption.
|
RESENTMENT
|
Comes from the
Latin word "sentire" which means "to feel", and when you
put "re" in front of any word, it means "again", so the
word resent means "to feel again".
|
SANE
|
Healthy, able to
appraise the effect of one's actions.
|
SECURITY
|
My general sense
of personal well being, usually based on my demand for my own way: either to
dominate those about me or to become overly dependent upon them. Has two
possible viewpoints - financial security or emotional security.
|
SELF-CENTERED
|
Occupied or
concerned only with one's own affairs.
|
SELF-ESTEEM
|
What I think of
myself, how I view myself: either high (positive = self-love) or low
(negative = self-hate).
|
SELFISH
|
Concerned with
one's own welfare or interests and having little or no concern for others.
|
SELF-SEEKING
|
Constant looking
to further one's own interest.
|
SHORTCOMING
|
Falling short of
what is expected or required. Same as defect - what blocks me off from God
and others.
|
SOUND
|
Showing good
judgment, healthy, free from flaw or defect.
|
SUBJECTED
|
To study motive.
|
SUSPICION
|
To have doubt or
mistrust, with little or no proof.
|
WRONG
|
Judging,
believing or acting incorrectly.
|
RESENTMENT INVENTORY
PROMPT SHEET
|
||
Here is a list of
people, institutions and principles that may be helpful in your resentment
inventory. Feel free to add to the lists if you need to.
|
||
PEOPLE
Father (Step) Mother (Step) Sisters (Step) Brothers (Step) Grandfather (Step) Grandmother (Step) Aunts Uncles Cousins Clergy Police Lawyers Judges Doctors Employers Employees Co-Workers In-Laws Husbands Wives Creditors Childhood Friends School Friends Teachers Life Long Friends Best Friends Acquaintances "Bible-Thumpers" Girl Friends Boy Friends Parole Officers Probation Officers A.A. Friends Friends in the Military |
INSTITUTIONS
Marriage Church Religion Races Law Authority Government Education System Hospitals Health Care System Correctional System Mental Health Sys. Welfare Philosophy Nationality Rehabs Mental Institutions I.R.S. |
PRINCIPLES
God (or any Deity) Bible Retribution Ten Commandments Satan Death Life after death Heaven Hell Sin Adultery Golden Rule Original Sin Seven Deadly Sins Love, honor, obey Reciprocity Theory Twelve Steps Twelve Traditions Twelve Concepts "Do unto others..." "Can't be too thin" "Love thy neighbor" "Don't put off until tomorrow..." Old guiding sayings |
FEAR INVENTORY PROMPT
SHEET
|
||
Here is a list of fears
that may be helpful in your Fear Inventory. Feel free to add to this list if
you need to.
|
||
Fear Of
Abandonment
Fear Of Acceptance Fear Of Anger Fear Of Animals Fear Of Authority Fear Of Being Alone Fear Of Being Found Out Fear Of Being In A Relationship Fear Of Change Fear Of Confrontation Fear Of Creditors Fear Of Crying Fear Of Disapproval Fear Of Disease's Fear Of Doctors Fear Of Drowning Fear Of Dying Fear Of Failure Fear Of Fear Fear Of Feelings Fear Of Gangs Fear Of Gays Fear Of Getting Old Fear Of God Fear Of Gossip |
Fear Of
Government
Fear Of Guns Fear of Having Children Fear of Having No Children Fear Of Heights Fear Of Hospitals Fear Of Hurting Others Fear Of Insanity Fear Of Insects Fear Of Insecurity Fear Of Intimacy Fear Of Jail Fear Of Lies Fear Of Living Fear Of Loneliness Fear Of Losing A Child Fear Of Losing A Spouse Fear Of Losing A Parent Fear Of Love Fear Of Making Amends Fear Of Men Fear Of Not Being In A Relationship Fear Of Not Being In Control Fear Of Not Having Sex |
Fear Of Not
Having Enough
Fear Of Not Having A Job Fear Of Parents Fear Of People Fear Of Physical Pain Fear Of Police Fear Of Public Speaking Fear Of Other Races Fear Of Rejection Fear Of Relapse Fear Of Religion Fear Of Responsibility Fear Of Sex Fear Of Sin Fear Of Sobriety Fear Of Stealing Fear Of Success Fear Of The Truth Fear Of The Unknown Fear Of Violence Fear Of Wealth Fear Of Women Fear Of Working Fear Of Writing Inventory Fear That There Is No God |
The
Four Absolutes:
Absolute
Honesty
Absolute Unselfishness
Absolute Love
Absolute Purity
These principles were adopted by the Oxford Group (for those who don't know,
the Oxford Group is where A.A. got most of it's program of recovery from) and
are taken from Christ's greatest talk called "The Sermon on the
Mount" found in Matthew 5:1 - 7:29. They are the essence of Jesus'
teachings about the Will of God, the ideals for our life, the moral standards
by which our thoughts and actions may be tested for harmony with God's Will,
and the keys to the kind of spiritual life God wishes us to lead, as outlined
by Robert E. Speer in his book "The Principles of Jesus". Absolute Unselfishness
Absolute Love
Absolute Purity
They are an intelligent discipline of simple intention, positive motives, and a way to do the things that are right just for virtue's sake. In 1948, Dr. Bob recalled the Absolutes as "the only yardsticks" A.A. had in the early days, before the official Twelve Steps. He said he still felt they held good and could be extremely helpful when he wanted to do the right thing and the answer was not obvious. "Almost always, if I measure my decision carefully by the yardstick of the absolutes and it checks up pretty well with those four, then my answer can't be very far out of the way," he said. The Four Absolutes are still published in pamphlet form (included below) by the Cleveland Central Committee of A.A. and are widely quoted at A.A. meetings in the Akron-Cleveland area. A copy of the pamphlet can be ordered by calling the A.A. Intergroup at 216-241-7387 (Cleveland) or 330-253-8181 (Akron). Bill Wilson included the absolutes specifically in Steps 4, 5, 10 and 11 as found in the Big Book. They are used in their opposite, self-will form (since we need to see where self-will fails us):
Step 4
|
Step 10
|
Step 11
|
|||
BB pg.67
(self-will) selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, frightened |
Absolute
(God's Will) unselfishness honesty, purity, love |
BB pg.84
(self-will) unselfishness dishonesty, resentment, fear |
Absolute
(God's Will) unselfishness honesty, purity, love |
BB pg.86
(self-will) resentful, selfish, dishonest, afraid |
Absolute
(God's Will) purity, unselfishness honesty, love |
- As a way to take inventory of our past to see where we fell short and in what ways, so that we could learn what areas of our life need to be worked on.
- During meditation or while being inspired or guided by our Inner Voice, as a way to differentiate between "God" thoughts and human thoughts.
- As a standard of living God's Will, moment by moment.
A FOUR
ABSOLUTES INVENTORY
*********************************
When doing this inventory, look at your thoughts, words and deeds as if they
are being displayed on a screen for all to see.
Then ask yourself, "How would
they be generally viewed?"
*********************************
ABSOLUTE
HONESTY
It is not easy to be absolutely honest with ourselves because of what is called the tendency to rationalization. We set our minds to work not upon the facts as they are, but upon the business of inventing reasons for our courses of conduct. The ego plays tricks on us. We are self-deceived. It is a test of a person's character. And yet how easy it is to lie - even for spiritual people. The willingness to twist a meaning to gain a point, to misquote if the misquotation gains an end, exaggerations to make impressions, a lack of complete truth and misrepresentations in presenting goods for sale. What is at the basis of this looseness with the truth? Is it not often in the fact that we think a lie is sometimes justifiable? Lies are apart from God's Will. If lies are still there, no matter how spiritual we may be, we are still in the old self-defeating life and lower nature.
Please ask yourself, "Is it true or is it false? Are there any conditions under which I will or do tell a lie? Can I be depended on to tell the truth - no matter the cost? Can I be absolutely trusted in money matters? In my work? With other people's reputations? Are there any areas of my life (currently or when thinking about something that's happened in the past) where I'm NOT dealing with reality or the truth?" How have I fallen short in thought, word and deed? Please be specific.
ABSOLUTE
UNSELFISHNESS
Please ask yourself, "What am I living for - myself, my own position, money, place, power? Or are my powers at the disposal of another's need? At the disposal of our Creator's Work?" This test comes to the root of the matter. In the final analysis, what controls my actions - self-interest or God-interest? In the depths of my spirit, who gives the final word? Am I self-directed or God-directed?
How have I fallen short in thought, word and deed? Please be specific.
ABSOLUTE
LOVE
Love is NOT a feeling, it is a DECISION. REAL love is what happens AFTER the feeling of love has gone.
Consider these definitions: "Love is the will to extend ourselves for the purpose of nurturing our own or another's spiritual growth," or "Love is the active concern for the life and the growth of that which we love."
The Oxford Group defined love thus: "Love endures long and is patient and kind, love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, it does not boast and it is not proud. It does not act unbecomingly, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances and it endures everything without weakening. Love never fails, never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end." Please ask yourself, "Is it based in faith or fear? Am I easily offended or am I loving? Do I lose my temper? Am I quick to sense slights? Or am I taking the attitude of love which refuses to be offended?" Bad tempered, touchy and quarrelsome spiritual people do as much to hold back our Creator's Work as liars and thieves.
How have I fallen short in thought, word and deed? Please be specific.
ABSOLUTE
PURITY
Purity of mind, of body and of purpose. True wisdom is thinking with the end in mind; it's the perfect combination of knowledge and love. A clean mind in a clean body that embraces clean conduct in business, in work and play, our use of our possessions, our attitudes toward relations with those we're sexually attracted to, friends and acquaintances, as well as in my habits. Purity means we do not manipulate, or seduce, or pre-program, or project hidden agenda's onto anyone or anything.
Please ask yourself, "Is it right or is it wrong? Are my motives pure in all of my affairs? Am I entertaining sexual lusts in act or in thought?" We may not be in the gutter but is the gutter in us?
How have I fallen short in thought, word and deed? Please be specific.
The 4
Absolutes Pamphlet
Foreword
The Absolutes were borrowed from the Oxford Group Movement back in the days when our society was in its humble beginning. In those days our founders and their early colleagues were earnestly seeking for any and all sources of help to define and formulate suggestions that might guide us in the pursuit of a useful, happy, and significant sober life.
Because the Absolutes are not specifically repeated in our Steps or Traditions, some of us are inclined to forget them. Yet in many old time groups where the solid spirit of our fellowship is so strongly exemplified, the Absolutes receive frequent mention. Indeed, you often find a set of old placards, carefully preserved, which are trotted out for prominent display each meeting night. There could be unanimity on the proposition that living our way of life must include not only an awareness but a constant striving toward greater achievement in the qualities which the Absolutes represent. Many who have lost the precious gift of sobriety would ascribe it to carelessness in seeking these objectives. If you will revisit the Twelve Steps with care, you will find the Four Absolutes form a thread which is discernible in a sober life of quality, every step of the glorious journey.
The
Absolutes
Honesty
Unselfishness
Love
Purity We walked into this large group of which we had heard so much, but had never attended. From the vestibule we saw a placard on the corner of the far wall, which said "Easy Does It." We turned left to park our coat. We turned back and there on the other corner of the same wall was a twin placard, which said, "First Things First." Then facing to the front of the room, high above the platform we saw in the largest letter of all, "But for the Grace of God." Then as our eyes descended, there directly on the front of the podium was another with four words, "Honesty, Unselfishness, Purity, and Love."
Unselfishness
Love
Purity We walked into this large group of which we had heard so much, but had never attended. From the vestibule we saw a placard on the corner of the far wall, which said "Easy Does It." We turned left to park our coat. We turned back and there on the other corner of the same wall was a twin placard, which said, "First Things First." Then facing to the front of the room, high above the platform we saw in the largest letter of all, "But for the Grace of God." Then as our eyes descended, there directly on the front of the podium was another with four words, "Honesty, Unselfishness, Purity, and Love."
In the next ten minutes as we sat unnoticed in the last row waiting for the meeting to start, many thoughts tumbled through a mind that was really startled by this first face to face meeting with the four Absolutes for a very long time. We started to grade ourselves fearlessly on our own progress toward these Absolutes through long years of sobriety. The score was a pitiful, lonely little score. We thought of a fine lead recently heard in which a patient humble brother had told his story, and had mentioned his overwhelming sense of gratitude as an important ingredient of his fifteen years of sobriety.
And in listing things for which he was so grateful, he mentioned how comfortable it was to be completely honest. Certainly he meant nothing prideful. He simply meant that he told his wife and friends the truth as best he could, had no fishy stories to reconcile, was honest with money and material things, etc. This was a truly grateful, humble fellow. Certainly he did not resemble the man pictured in the cartoon, speaking to a large audience, pounding on the table and with a jutting chin proclaiming in a loud voice that he had more humility than anyone there and could prove it.
But just think of "complete honesty". Is it not the eternal search for the truth which is endless, and in which none achieve perfection?
What do the four Absolutes mean to most of us? Words are like tools. Like any other tools they get rusty and corroded when not used. More importantly, we must familiarize ourselves with the tools, understand them, and ever improve our skill in their use. Else the end product, if any, is pathetically poor.
We thought of a dear friend in the fellowship, prone like other alcoholics to move quickly from one hobby or interest to another, without really doing much with any of them. (Does that sound like someone you know?)
Once this friend decided that working with his hands would solve some problems, quiet his nerves, perhaps help him to achieve serenity and balance. So he reviewed an impressive collection of tool catalogues with friends already addicted to the woodworking hobby.
He bought a large expensive collection of tools, and a lot of equipment. He hired a carpenter to build a shop in his basement, install the equipment, and make custom-built racks to house the tools. But in the end not one shaving and not one tiny bit of sawdust graced its floor. The idle tools serve just as will to keep our friend occupied while he doesn't go to meetings, do Twelfth Step he bought a large expensive collection of tools, and a lot of equipment. He hired a carpenter to build a shop in his basement, install the equipment, and make custom-built racks to house the tools. But in the end not one shaving and not one tiny bit of sawdust graced its floor. The idle tools serve just as will to keep our friend occupied while he doesn't go to meetings, do Twelfth Step work or engage in other happy activity in AA.
How many of you will be completely honest and admit that you have put the four Absolutes in the attic, a little rusty from non-use perhaps, but none the worse for wear? Give or take a little, how many of us who still maintain the workshop for the Absolutes, will admit that not too many shavings or much sawdust from our activity have ever graced its floor? Or even assuming that the activity has persisted, how many will admit that the end product did not win a prize for its quality?
Such lack of quality can only mean lack of objectives or lack of all-out effort toward such objectives. We must recognize the Absolutes as guideposts to the finest and highest objectives to mortal man. But recognition is not enough. We must use the tools.
Honesty
There is no relaxed twilight zone, it's either full speed ahead constantly or it's not honesty we seek. And the unrelenting pursuit of truth will set you free, even if you don't quite catch up to it. We need not choose or pursue falsity. All we need is to relax our pursuit of truth, and falsity will find us.
The search for truth is the noblest expression of the soul. Let a human throw the engines of his soul into the doing or making of something good, and the instinct of workmanship alone will take car of his honesty. The noblest pleasure we can have is to find a great new truth and discard old prejudice. When not actively sought, truth seldom comes to light, but falsehood does. Truth is life and falsity is spiritual death. It's an everlasting, unrelenting instinct for truth that counts. Honesty is not a policy. It has to be a constant conscious state of mind.
Accuracy is close to being the twin brother of honesty, but inaccuracy and exaggeration are at least "kissing cousins" of dishonesty. We may bring ourselves to believe almost anything by rationalization, (another of our fine arts), and so it's well to begin and end our inquiry with the question, "Is it true?" Any man who loves to search for truth is precious to any fellowship or society. Any intended violation of honesty stabs the health of not only the doer but also the whole fellowship. On the other hand if we are honest to the limit of our ability, the basic appetite for truth in others, which may be dormant but not dead, will rise majestically to join us. Like sobriety, it's the power of example that does the job.
It is much simpler to appear honest, than to be honest. We must strive to be in reality what we appear to be. It is easier to be honest with others than with ourselves. Our searching self-inventories help because the man who knows himself is at least on the doorstep of honesty. When we try to enhance our stature in the eyes of others, dishonesty is there in the shadows. When falsehood even creeps in, we are getting back on the merry-go-round because falsehoods not only disagree with truth, they quarrel with each other. Remember?
It is one thing to devoutly wish the truth may be on your side, and it is quite another to wish sincerely to be on the side of truth. Honesty would seem to be the toughest of our four absolutes and at the same time, the most exciting challenge. Our sobriety is a gift, but honesty is a grace that we must earn and constantly fight to protect and enlarge. "Is it true or false?" Let us make that a ceaseless question that we try to answer with all the sober strength and intelligence we have.
Unselfishness
Our unselfishness must include not merely that we do for others, but that which we do for ourselves. I once heard an old timer say that this was a 100% selfish program in one respect namely that we had to maintain our own sobriety and its quality before we could possibly help others in a maximum degree. Yet we know that we must give of ourselves to others in order to maintain our own sobriety, in a spirit of complete selflessness with no thought of reward. How do we put these two things together?
Well, for one thing, it points up that we shall gain in direct proportion to the real help we give others. How many of us make hospital calls simply because we think that we need to do it to stay sober? Those who think only of their own need and who reflect little on the question of doing the fellows at the hospital some genuine good, are missing the boat. We know, for we used to make hospital calls in much the same way that we took vitamin pills.
Then one day in our early sobriety, we were asked to call on a female patient. There weren't enough gals to go around in those days and the men were called in to help. Never will we forget the anxiety on the way to that nursing home. And after nearly two hours of earnest talk we left one of the noblest women we will ever meet, worried about whether we had helped, or hurt, or perhaps had accomplished nothing at all. Some of her questions stayed with us. We thought of better answers later on, and returned to see her several times.
We are helped on our long journey to unselfishness by our great mission of understanding which sometimes seems as precious as the gift of sobriety itself. But the quality cannot be confined alone to that which we do for others. We must be unselfish even in our pursuits of self-preservation. Not the least of our aid to others comes from the examples of our own lives.
Is there any protection against that first drink which equals our thought of what it may do to others, those whose unselfish love guided us in the beginning, and those whom we in turn guided later on? We are again reminded of the late verse of an anonymous poem:
"I must remember as I go,
Though sober days,
Both high and low,
What I must always seem to be
For him who always follows me."
Though sober days,
Both high and low,
What I must always seem to be
For him who always follows me."
LOVE
A good question to ask ourselves on love might be, "Is it ugly or is it beautiful?" We are experts on ugliness. We have really been there. We are not experts on beauty but we have tasted a little, and we are hungry for more. Love is beauty. Coming from the depths of fear, physical agony, mental torture and spiritual starvation, we feel completely unloved, impregnated with self-pity, poisoned by resentment, and devoured by a prideful ego which with alcohol has brought complete blindness. We receive understanding and love from strangers and we make progress as we in turn give it to new strangers. It's as simple as that. Fortunately for us love is inspiring from the very beginning, even in kindergarten which is where many of us still are.
The old song tells us that love is a many splendor thing. In giving it we receive it. But the joy of receiving can never match the real thrill of giving. Consider that this great mission of love which is ours is seldom experienced by the non-alcoholic, and you have a new reason for gratitude. Few are privileged to save lives. Fewer have the rich experience of being God's helper in the gift of a second life. Love is a poor man's beginning toward God. We reach our twelfth step when we give love to the new man who is poor today, as we were poor yesterday. A man too proud to know he is poor, has turned away from God with or without alcohol. We have been there too. But if he has a drinking problem, we can show him the way through love, understanding and our own experience.
When we live for our own sobriety, we again become beggars in spiritual rags, blind once again with the dust of pride and self. Soon we shall be starving with the hunger of devouring ourselves, perhaps even lose sobriety, Love is "giving of yourself" and unless we do, our progress will be lost. Each one owes the gift of this second life of sobriety to every other human being he meets in the ceaseless presence of God, and especially to other alcoholics who still suffer. Not to give of himself brings the desolation of a new poverty to the sober alcoholic.
When we offer love, we offer our life; are we prepared to give it? When another offers us love, he offers his life; have we the grace to receive it? When love is offered, God is there; have we received Him. The will to love is God's will; have we taken the Third Step? Ask yourself, "Is this ugly or is it beautiful?" If it's truly beautiful then it is the way of love, it is the way of A.A., and it is the will of God as we understand Him.
Purity
Purity is a quality of both the mind and the heart, or perhaps we should say the soul of a man. As far as the mind is concerned, it is a simple case of answering the question, "Is right, or is it wrong?" That should be easy for us. There is no twilight zone between right and wrong. Even in our drinking days we knew the difference. With most of us, knowing the difference was the cause or part of the cause of our drinking. We did not want to face the reality of doing wrong. It isn't in the realm of the mental aspects of purity that our problem lies. We can all answer the question quoted above to the best of our ability and get the correct answer.
It's in the realm of the heart and spirit that we face difficulty. We know which is right, but do we have the dedicated will to do it? Just as a real desire to stop drinking must exist to make our way of life effective for us, so we must have a determined desire to do that which we know is right, if we are to achieve any measurable degree of purity. It has been well said that intelligence is discipline. In other words knowledge means little until it goes into action. We knew we should not take the first drink, remember? Until we translate our knowledge into the action of our own lives, the value of it is non-existent. We are not intelligent under such circumstances. So it is with the decency of our lives. We know what is right, but unless we do it, the knowledge is a haunting vacuum.
In discussing unselfishness we mentioned that it includes more than just doing for others. We repeat that it includes all that we do, since much of our help to others comes through our own example. Nowhere is this more true than in the decency and rightness of our life. Were we to contemplate the peace and contentment that a pure conscience would bring to us, and the joy and help that it would bring to others, we would be more determined about our spiritual progress. If our surrender under the Third Step has not been absolute, perhaps we should give the Eleventh Step more attention. If you have turned your will and your life over to
God as you understand Him, purity will come to you in due course because God is Good. Let us not just tend toward God, let us taste of him.
In Purity as in Honesty the virtue lies in our striving. And like seeking the truth, giving our all in its constant pursuit, will make us free even though we may never quite catch up to it. Such pursuit is a thrilling and challenging journey. The journey is just as important as the destination, however slow it may seem. As Goethe says: "In living as in knowing be intent upon the purest way."
The
Absolutes - A Summary
The real virtue is in our striving for these Absolutes. It is a never-ending journey, and our joy and happiness must come each step of the way, not at the end because it is endless. Cicero said, "If you pursue good with labor, the labor passes and the good remains, but if you court evil through pleasure, the pleasure passes and the evil remains." Our life is a diary in which we mean to write one story, and usually write quite another. It is when we compare the two that we have our humblest hour. But let's compare through our self-inventory and make today a new day. Men who know themselves, have at least ceased to be fools. Remember if you follow the Golden Rule, it's always your move too. To love what is true and right and not to do it, is in reality not to love it, and we are trying to face reality, remember? The art of living in truth and right is the finest of fine arts, and like any fine art, must be learned slowly and practiced with incessant care.
We must approach this objective of the Absolutes humbly. We pray for these things and sometimes forget that these virtues must be earned. The gates of wisdom and truth are closed to those wise in their conceit, but ever open to the humble and the teachable. To discover what is true and to practice what is good are the two highest aims in life. If we would be humble, we should not stoop, but rather we should stand to our fullest height, close to our Higher Power that shows us what the smallness of our greatness is.
Remember our four questions, "Is it true or false?," "Is it right or wrong?", "How will this affect the other fellow?," and "Is it ugly or beautiful?" Answering these queries every day with absolute integrity, and following the dictates of those answers one day at a time, will surely lead us well on our journey toward absorbing and applying the 4 Absolutes.
This link will provide all the forms for you to print out to do a 4th Step
Now you have finished your 4th Step –
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